


Quarrelsome Quarantining

by vlaplomb



Category: Purple Hyacinth - Ephemerys & Sophism (Webcomic)
Genre: Based on a True Story, Cheesecake, F/M, Friendship, Funny, Gen, I can't write a fic without them, OH YEAH SO LUCY X TRISTAN IS OTP NOW, pandemic au, the Lauki was an accident, the kywi too
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-18
Updated: 2020-07-18
Packaged: 2021-03-05 07:48:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,711
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25347247
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vlaplomb/pseuds/vlaplomb
Summary: Lauren and Kym find that even a pandemic can’t bring an end to their shenanigans.  A modern au.  This fic is based on a socially distant prank I played on my best friend...at least the first two thirds are true ;))
Relationships: Kym Ladell & Lauren Sinclair, Lauren Sinclair/Kieran White (background), Lucy/Tristan Sinclair (far background), William Hawkes/Kym Ladell (background)
Comments: 18
Kudos: 56
Collections: Purple Hyacinth Pandemic Series!





	Quarrelsome Quarantining

**Author's Note:**

> For my buddy, Belma <3 love you, sorry for pranking you
> 
> This is a throwback for anyone who remembers the days when Belma and I went by the pseudonyms Kym and Lauren (respectively) on our Instagram page.
> 
> The boldface is direct messaging! Just for funsies. (The formatting was painful)

Silence settled into the streets of Ardhalis, cloaking the ghosts of past hectic summers in its contemplative reverie. Cars passing through the city were about as sporadic as working McDonald’s ice cream machines, and the sidewalks were left entirely vacant. Only the steady clicking of her laptop and the occasional scent of coffee wafting over her desktop kept Lauren grounded in her lonely reality.

She rested her chin in her hand, heaving a sigh. While she may have lived for work in the past, quarantine had only made her realize that the true enjoyment she held for her job was rooted in her daily conversations with her coworkers. Kym’s lamentations over watermelons not yet eaten, Will’s constant reprimanding of the hopeless melon addict, even Lukas’s brooding observations of the precinct - they were all things she had taken for granted previously, and now never knew if she would experience again.

Rubbing her eyes, she took another sip of her coffee. She had even found herself missing her nightly rendezvous with Kieran - what was wrong with her? Was she that starved for human contact? Kieran had argued that their vigilantism was “essential” and reminded her that they already wore masks, but Lauren had shot down the idea of continuing Lune through the pandemic almost immediately.

Now she was wishing she hadn’t.

“So much to do,” she muttered. “Hermann gives us all of our work late, too! How am I supposed to get this all finished?” Combing her fingers through her hair, she tied it back in a loose bun to clear her head.

She knew she was hardly the most troubled in the precinct when scavenging for scarce motivation to complete their weekly assignments.

Lauren eyed her phone, fingers itching to pick it up. I wonder how Kym is doing, she thought. I miss her. With another sigh, she slid her phone over her papers and opened the Instagram app, muscle memory taking over. After double-tapping a handful of questionable memes, she resorted to her dms.

No new messages.

**Lauren: What are you up to?**

****

She clicked send, swiping over Kym’s profile. As she exited their conversation, her finger hovered over her conversation with Kieran. _I wonder if he has anyone checking up on him._

****

Before Lauren could fully consider reaching out, she already had a message reply from Kym.

****

**Kym: Making whipped coffee**

****

**Kym: Again :D**

****

**Lauren: Ugh, do you have an addiction or something?**

****

**Kym: ...maaayyyyybe**

Lauren chuckled, sipping her own caffeinated drink. If her friend wasn’t careful, she would end up getting sick from all the caffeine.

****

Then again, somehow Lukas and Will consumed entire liters of coffee in one morning at the office. Their livers were likely made of titanium. Who knew - maybe Kym’s was as well, from being impregnated by swallowing a watermelon seed on five too many occasions.

****

**Lauren: Are you sure it isn’t just because it reminds you of William’s hair?**

****

She smirked. This would be fun. Who wouldn’t see the pale brown fluff over the milky white and think of the Lieutenant? Any sane person - which excluded both Lauren and Kym.

****

**Kym: NO**

********

**Kym: I MEAN YES**

********

**Kym: I MEAN- YOU’RE THE WORST**

********

**Lauren: I know :))**

****

Lauren laughed out loud lightly, for what seemed like the first time in ages. It felt good to talk to her best friend, albeit virtually. She silently regretted being such an adamant workaholic and working through her lunch breaks at the office instead of creating mayhem with Kym while she still could.

****

Now, she had no one to make mayhem with during lunch - except for Uncle Tristan and Lucy, but they weren’t nearly as much fun. Those two had become quite close after quarantining together for a mere month and a half-

****

Her phone sang out with a new message.

****

**Kym: So what are you doing**

****

Lauren bit her lip, typing.

****

**Lauren: TPing Hermann’s house.**

********

**Lauren: Jk. Working**

********

**Kym: WORKING? ARE YOU NUTS**

********

**Kym: IT’S ONLY 10 AM-**

********

**Kym: WHAT ARE YOU, A ROBOT?**

****

She laughed at the old joke, reminded of how terrified Kym was by her speed-reading abilities and nonstop motivation. Flexing her fingers, she tried to think of a good roast in return. Much to her disdain, the quarantine had not done her insult bank well.

****

**Lauren: …**

********

**Kym: Please don’t kill me**

********

**Lauren: Too late**

****

A sly grin crept across Lauren’s face. She tapped out another message, barely pressing send before exiting their conversation and heading to Kym’s profile.

****

**Lauren: I’m already at your house ******

********** **

As Lauren perused Kym’s many photoshoot posts, a notification slid across her screen.

********** **

**Kym: BAHAHA you wish**

********** **

“Do I ever,” Lauren muttered ruefully to herself, selecting a cute photo of Kym standing outside her window. Taking a stealthy screenshot, she returned to the conversation and opened up her camera.

********** **

_Opening greenscreen filter._

********** **

Selecting her chosen media, Lauren snapped open the curtains of her window, allowing the light to trickle into the room. It shot across the floor, starved for attention after being ignored by so many in light of the pandemic. Lauren lifted her phone, trying to tilt it for just the right angle. Suppressing a giggle, she took a very mom-esque selfie.

********** **

Perfect. She swept over the photo with her eyes. The lighting was a bit off, and the edges around her hair were blurred and spotty in some spots, but it would be just perfect to make Kym double take. To a careless eye, it would appear at first glance that Lauren was standing creepily outside Kym’s bedroom window.

********** **

Inhaling sharply, she sent the doctored photo on its way. She slid her phone aside and continued to type away on her laptop.

********** **

_Ding._

********** **

Lauren snatched up her phone, already laughing as she reopened the app. Her eyes lit up in delight at the notification: two new messages from Kym, likely iterating how idiotic she was.

********** **

**Kym: Wait**

******** ** **

**Kym: How**

********** **

Leaning back in her desk chair, Lauren furrowed her brow, still laughing. So Kym believed her? Was she going blind?

********** **

_Might as well perpetuate it._

********** **

**Lauren: Idiot- how else would I get a picture of myself at your house**

************ ** **

**Lauren: I’m at your house**

************ ** **

**Kym: HOLD ON I’M GETTING MY SHOES**

********** **

Oh dear.

********** **

**Kym: I’LL BE OUT IN A SECOND**

******Lauren’s thumbs danced over the screen, constantly hovering over the delete button to correct the typos that her laughing hands were producing. Pain ripped through her side as she laughed, really laughed, for the first time since she had last watched Kym unintentionally reject Will’s innocent and clearly unnoticed flirting at the office.** ** **

********** **

**Lauren: KYM NO**

************ ** **

**Lauren: I’M NOT THERE**

************ ** **

**Lauren: KYM**

********** **

Seconds passed. Then minutes. Lauren was still howling with laughter.

********** **

“Lady Lauren?” Lucy called. “Is everything alright up there?”

********** **

“Yes!” she said back with a jovial grin that perhaps Lucy could not see but would inevitably hear in Lauren’s voice. “I’m just pranking a friend.”

********** **

“Alright.”

********** **

**Kym: …**

******** ** **

**Kym: I hate you**

********** **

Lauren cackled, knowing it was a lie even through text. Ever since going digital, her lie detecting skills had gone completely by the wayside, but she knew Kym.

********** **

**Lauren: I know**

************ ** **

**Kym: My mom looked at me like I was crazy-**

************ ** **

**Lauren: ...you are**

************ ** **

**Kym: biCH**

********** **

Swiping a laughing tear away from her eye, Lauren clutched her phone to her chest. Only Kym could make her laugh so hard, even just through Instagram direct messages. Even without the comfort of face-to-face conversation, she could distinctly hear her friend’s contagious laughter.

********** **

**Lauren: I’ve missed you**

************ ** **

**Kym: I haven’t**

************ ** **

**Lauren: KYM**

************ ** **

**Kym: Ok I wish you had been at my house**

************ ** **

**Kym: Even if it was to shoot me :)**

********** **

Lauren smiled slightly, quelling her laughter by virtue of another sip of coffee. The bitterness cleared her throat with ease. Perhaps someday she could actually come to Kym’s house and surprise her - maybe not with a gun, but still like old times.

********** **

**Lauren: Go eat a watermelon, simp**

************ ** **

**Kym: LAUREN I HAJKLADFJAKLF**

************ ** **

**Kym: Might as well**

************ ** **

**Lauren: It’s better for you than whipped coffee!**

************ ** **

**Kym: Fine mom, but I don’t simp for anyone but watermelons**

************ ** **

**Kym: And if we’re really going to talk about simps - you can’t forget Kiki**

************ ** **

**Kym: King Kiki of the Simps**

********** **

Lauren flushed, chuckling. Her mind leapt back to her prior contemplation. Upon exiting her conversation with Kym, she encountered a notification.

********** **

_Lauren’s Proud Subordinate (@kieranwhite0214) sent a photo._

********** **

Her heart thumped.

********** **

**Lauren: Let’s not**

************ ** **

**Lauren: But he did just message me**

************ ** **

**Kym: Answer it, twat**

************ ** **

**Lauren: Fine, you go pester Will instead of me**

************ ** **

**Kym: HEY**

************ ** **

**Kym: IF I RECALL, YOU WERE THE ONE PRANKING ME**

********** **

Lauren chuckled, opening the photo from Kieran.

********** **

A cheesecake.

********** **

**Kieran: Look, I made another cheesecake, darling.**

********** **

Lauren hopped conversations again.

********** **

**Lauren: He made another cheesecake**

************ ** **

**Kym: And you tease me for the apparent resemblance between my coffee and the lieutenant**

************ ** **

**Lauren: ??**

************ ** **

**Kym: When it’s clear that his cherry cheesecake mimics your appearance-**

************ ** **

**Lauren: GOODBYE**

********** **

Sighing for the umpteenth time, Lauren began to slowly type a reply to Kieran. She gulped, perusing her heart for a heartfelt way of saying “I missed you” and repeatedly turning up empty-handed. Her relief in hearing from him was stubborn; the last thing she wanted was for it to appear in her message.

********** **

**Lauren: Hold on, I’ll make one too**

************ ** **

**Kieran: Zoom tonight? Me, you, cheesecake, Lune planning?**

************ ** **

**Lauren: Sounds like a plan! 6 pm**

************ ** **

**Kieran: Can’t wait for an evening with all of my guilty pleasures ;)**

********** **

Lauren blushed, her inner Kym screaming "simp" and wishing she could screen capture it for Kym. Lune would remain their secret- for now. Setting aside her phone, she created a meeting link for 6 and emailed it to Kieran. She made another link for a 7 pm meeting with a smirk.

********** **

_Sorry, Kym,_ she thought, sending the link off to her and Will's inboxes with no intention of joining the meeting herself. The greenscreen wasn’t her last prank of the day. However, she stopped herself before submitting a particular Thomas the Tank Engine meme instead of her paperwork, remembering that she needed her job to pay for cheesecake ingredients.

********** **

Weighing her empty coffee mug in her hands, she headed down the staircase to bake what she knew would be more suitably called a disaster than a cheesecake.

********** **

**Author's Note:**

> Ok, so mmmaybe nothing about Kieran or Will was true but I had the opportunity to vicariously date a hot assassin through Lauren and it was absolutely worth it.
> 
> If you want to witness Belma and me being toxic in real time or have a hankering for cursed images, check out @kymscoffeetower on Instagram ;)


End file.
